Maybe 'It' Can Stay - Part I

The first thing I had to do was let 'it' know who was boss.  I really showed him, too.  I chased him all over the yard, rolled him around, grabbed him by the neck (only when Mom wasn't looking) and read him the fine writing, "This is MY pack and you happen to be interfering in the way I do things, Shorty!"  He didn't seem to listen much because he never sat still or stopped jumping and biting me, Mom, Dad--everyone except Bob Barker who's a troll.  He also pees and poops everywhere all the time.  What an uncivilized furhead.  Mom said she's buying stock in 409, paper towels and Swiffer Wetjets.  



Mom came home with all these toys, but his little peabrain isn't too big yet so he chases lids...

  

What a goober.  It's sure going to be easy to pull one over on this one...and I thought Bob Barker was goofy.

 

Sometimes, he can act like a real Shiloh and pose all nice and calm but what's with those ears?  Sometimes, one goes up, then the other...must be some short-dog disease because I'm sure I Never had my ears anyplace but up where they belong. 

 And sometimes, they just go to one side like a north wind's about to blow him over.

He's a lazy puppy, too--lays around to eat his food.  What's so hard about standing up to chow down? I never did that either.

 The Real Short Dogs, Bob Barker and Agnies of Pissisi, aren't very keen on him.  Mother Agnies seems confused (more than usual) because every time she 'thinks' (and that's not very often) I'm getting a little too rough with the Little V, she charges at Me growling all scary-like...woooo...I'm so terrifed.  Then, if Little V runs, bites and jumps on her, she gets all bitchy and snaps and growls at Him!  Go figure.  Girls.  Bob Barker just wants V's toys, food And his crate...not anything I would ever tolerate because he smells like a Basset and if you've never had the luxury of being with a Pack-O-Basset, take note--Body Spray, Air Spray and Xtreme Candles are a necessity.  Must be those huge, dangly ears.

Something strange is going on with Little V, however.  It appears he is growing VERY fast...take a look at these feet--they're almost as big as mine...maybe it's a sign...maybe I should think about the future...I'm thinkin' he's gonna be a beast!  Nah, not possible.  He's just an annoying gnat.  Probably won't get much taller.

Anyways, He has a long ways to go to catch up.  I'm not worried...really--even if he's gaining 10 lbs every couple of weeks, so what?  I'm the biggest Shiloh in this house and I'm not afraid of some weany boy.

Mom said I shouldn't put this pic in the blog because it DOES look like she's choking the little mutt but she's really just trying to keep her fingers on her hands...she says he's a Piranha (and a pee-head and full of poop) but I think he's gonna get to stay because he finally figured out where the door is and I think he got tired of hearing her being cranky about it.  Could it be that boys just like to pee more than we Diva Dogs? 

 

By the way, I taught him how to open the door, too...he's a quick learner cause I only had to show him a couple of times and before I knew it, in the house he went along with the rest of us!  Now before you go thinking he's brilliant or anything so silly, he can still be as dumb as a stick in my opinion--take a look at this picture and you'll see what I mean.  Really--this is as close to 'your head up your (my) butt' as it comes!  Of course, I put up with it because he doesn't know any better and as long as he doesn't bite my tail, it's OK.

We do play a lot and it's pretty cool to have another Shiloh around.  The Short Dogs really get on my nerves because they're only good for about a minute of hardcore playtime.  Little V can go forever and I usually have to settle him down after a while.  It's my job.  I have so much to teach him...stair climbing, Short Dog Irritation 101, cat chasing, house-shoe stealing...you get the picture.  

Seriously, Mom says it's uncanny how much we're alike when we both stand side-by-side or do the same things.  Of course, he'll never be as beautiful as I am.....

but I think I'll let him stay.

 

VOLTAIRE CLEAR FOR LANDING

It's been crazy weird around here lately--all I hear is 'Voltaire's coming--puppy, puppy, puppy!"  I really have no idea what a Voltaire is or for that matter a puppy but the Humans keep saying it over and over.  You'd think they want me to say it and I might if they don't stop.  Anyway, last night they put this sign around my neck, loaded me into the Nalligator with Grandogma and off we went for a ride.  I love to go for rides.  We drove to the airport and it brought back memories from someplace not long ago but I couldn't quite put my paw on it. 


 

We waited and waited and finally some Lady Human came out the door looking for us.  Must have been pretty important as all the Humans left me sitting in the truck which didn't seem fair since I did have to wear that sign and all.  After a few minutes, out they come all grinning and talking and my Mom Human is carrying something (very stinky I might add) all wrapped up in a blanket with a goofy looking Christmas hat on its head.  What the heck is this and why is it getting in my truck?  This is a joke, right?  No doubt, we are just delivering this thing someplace else.  It smells bad and no one is paying attention to me so I let them know I was still back here--I barked and barked and let it know it better be heading on down the road--the Humans were not amused.


Well, I'll be darned if we don't pull back up in the driveway and take that thing into MY house!  Mom took him straight upstairs for a quick bath and was bragging about what a good boy he was, standing still and not crying.  Boy, do I have a few things to show him--I HATE baths so I don't take them.  Stupid puppy.  Mom brought him back downstairs and the Short Dogs started acting like fools.  Agnies just couldn't wait to play like the Mommy, Bob couldn't wait to get the toys and I couldn't wait to make it go away.  Mom fed it and kept taking it outside to do the 'go potty'--geez, how hard is that?  When she got back, Grandogma was oohing and aahing so they took some more pictures.  What's so special about all this anyway?  It eats, poops and runs around like it's got batteries and I wish someone would find the off switch!

Well, I finally got into trouble when I almost knocked the gate over but the Humans were talking about this new thing and here's the scoop:

His name is VOLTAIRE (officially FantASIA's Voltaire of Solace) and he got here from my Puppy Mom, Laura Kathryn of Solace Shilohs.  He is a breed quality stud muffin from the Asia and Aslan litter born October 26, 2011.  Someday, he'll probably make some more annoying puppies but for now, we're stuck with him.  Glad he finally calmed down and left me alone.  Stay tuned, I'm still working on what to do with him.

ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING STUPID

Being the 34th anniversary of the passing of that great Memphis legend, Elvis, it seemed fitting that we pay tribute to Mr. Blue Suede Shoes.  Personally, I never cared much for him or his music but I did like Priscilla (until she messed up her lips with that poison injection and now looks like a Goldfish) and his daughter has certainly been a hot topic of various trash magazines (but I thought her video with The Michael was a good effort to cover-up their marriage disaster).  Truth be known, Elvis just wasn't as cool as say, Ringo or Mick or even Elton John.  Couldn't sing all that well but he sure could move those hips!  Funny how a dead celebrity tends to skyrocket their popularity...Marilyn Monroe, Michael Jackson, Janis Joplin--see what I mean?  Too bad talent has to go the way of drug cocktails and dain bramage. 

Hey, that looks like my Great Aunt Gracie!

By the way Bob Barker, you can stop looking for Him...you ain't nothin but a hound dog...

ON BEING A BITCH

Now before ya'll go getting self-righteous on me, there's some things we need to get straight.  We ladies here in the southern part of the mid-western Plains are generally known for our extremely polite and gracious manner.  For instance, a true lady will always offer something cool to drink and snack on when you pay a visit.  She will not, however, be glad you were 'in the neighborhood' and stopped by without calling first.  It would seem that there are more and more hateful humans in this world than you can shake a finger at or in my case, stick a nose in an inappropriate place at.  I, myselves (those other biatches in my head that make me misbehave; i.e., chase cats, bark loudly so the humans jump two feet off their chairs, open doors and let a/c in/out and pin the short dogs to the ground when necessary) always try to do my best to a) give you fair warning and let you know I'm behind that fence or door, b) with permission smell you, then wag my tail and c) ignore you unless there is food in your hand or a nearby location.  We are just nice like that.  This is just the way we bitches are because we are DOG bitches.  We really could care less on most days what you Humans' political, religious or personal interests are so long as we are fed on schedule. 

Humans of the female sort tend to run on a different short leash.  There are nosy, sneaky, arrogant, lazy, self-righteous, opinionated and downright stupid bitches--sort of like the Seven Dwarves on Hormones.  I mean seriously--the only time you're gonna see the DOG bitches get into each others face is over food, space or possessions of the toy type.  Once we're bred, we don't even care about the last boyfriend we jumped the fence over. 

No matter how well you think you know someone, just throw out your ideas on the government and/or religion and see who's fur stands up on their neck.  As the Human Grandogma says, "If you can't say something nice, keep your trap shut."  Something to think about in the coming days of political ugliness and party posturing ya'll.  I'm a Leashatarian Shiloh (free to do whatever I can get by with) and I say--be nice or you might step in somethin'.

PARIS, HEATWAVE AND THERE'S A HAIR IN MY MOUTH

Bonjour!  That's French for good day.  However, do ya'll see me in this picture?  Me neither.  That would be Tres Bad!  I sat around listening to 'conversational' French for weeks and was prepared to be the Madame Pompidou of Paris when I was shocked to find that not only was I stuck with Bob Barker and Ms. Agnies BUT that little wienie dog, Beanie and his yappy, jumpy, more irritating than you can imagine terrier, Blue, appeared and the humans were gone--for two weeks, no less.  I had to set some things straight right away and almost lost my mind (and a few pounds) until My Humans returned.  I did not eat the cats although it did pass my mind several times.

When My Humans returned, the nice cool weather I so love turned rapidly into a heatwave.  I swear ya'll, you could cook eggs on the back of a cat layin' in the sun.  I determined that the only necessity to exit the cool air conditioning would be first thing in the morning and last thing at night.  When you have a gorgeous fur coat as I do, there is no amount of panting or water drinking that cools this big girl down to tolerable.  I hate the swimming pool, water hoses and misters.  They simply muss me up and I refuse to be a dolt lying in the sun like I don't know better--note to Bob and Agnies--it's hotter than blazes out there and if you don't lie in the sun, you won't get so hot!  Anyways, this record-setting heat has lasted for nearly two months now.  Someone has made amends with the rain gods and sent it our way these past few days and we are basking in low 90's instead of cooking at 115 degrees and that ain't the heat index.

Speaking of hot--what's a girl to do when she does get wet or messy and I must admit, I do make such a fuss with My Humans that they thus far have 'almost' given up on baths.  I have dumped at least 100 lbs of hair on every available nook and cranny in the house, on the chairs and I can't help it--I eat it.  Now that might seem a bit odd to anyone else but it IS my hair and if I like to chew on it, so be it.  Mrs. Human has been hacking with her tiny scissors at these awful mats on my butt and I look rather shaggy at the moment but I can assure you, I will just grow more hair to replace the missing ones and maybe twice as much hair.  That way, I can spread the love as far and high as possible.  It's the least I can do so she has something to do besides sit in that pool if I can't be in there!


Mr Human gave the deck a mini facelift and we simply adore what he's done!  He's so thoughtful...

WHO ATE THE CHEESE?

 So, we're all laying around chewing on some antlers with nothing to do but we knew some good smells were coming from the kitchen cause Mom had started her Italian sauce and meatballs.  It's always a good time to think of ways to sneak a taste of anything coming from that kitchen.

Well, Mom found out just how big I'm getting when she put her plate-size-imported-from-Italy Pecorino-Romano cheese slab on the back of the counter and headed upstairs.   Only took me a few minutes to pull it down and share some with the  short dogs.  I could smell it from the backyard so I just opened the door and let all of us back in the house.  I was kind enough to leave just enough for the humans to use--well, because I got caught red-pawed.  Kind of hard to hide a pound of cheese in your mouth.

Works for me.  My real name is Liliana Santucci!  Ciao, baby.

WELL HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY, Y'ALL!  Yes, I had to dress up a bit for that green beer and corned beef (just kidding about the beer).  Being I'm from an Irish family, this is a big day around the house.  Shamrocks, leprechaun hats, lights and green stuff are all over the place.  They keep calling me O'Callahan and 'be sure you chase off the snakes'--Whatever.  I'm way too busy chasing CC Cat and Karma Kitty to worry about some nasty, slimy snake. 

May the road always rise to meet ye and a pot o'gold be waitin' for ye when ye get theres.
(I really said that.  Ask the short dogs).