ON BEING A BITCH

Now before ya'll go getting self-righteous on me, there's some things we need to get straight.  We ladies here in the southern part of the mid-western Plains are generally known for our extremely polite and gracious manner.  For instance, a true lady will always offer something cool to drink and snack on when you pay a visit.  She will not, however, be glad you were 'in the neighborhood' and stopped by without calling first.  It would seem that there are more and more hateful humans in this world than you can shake a finger at or in my case, stick a nose in an inappropriate place at.  I, myselves (those other biatches in my head that make me misbehave; i.e., chase cats, bark loudly so the humans jump two feet off their chairs, open doors and let a/c in/out and pin the short dogs to the ground when necessary) always try to do my best to a) give you fair warning and let you know I'm behind that fence or door, b) with permission smell you, then wag my tail and c) ignore you unless there is food in your hand or a nearby location.  We are just nice like that.  This is just the way we bitches are because we are DOG bitches.  We really could care less on most days what you Humans' political, religious or personal interests are so long as we are fed on schedule. 

Humans of the female sort tend to run on a different short leash.  There are nosy, sneaky, arrogant, lazy, self-righteous, opinionated and downright stupid bitches--sort of like the Seven Dwarves on Hormones.  I mean seriously--the only time you're gonna see the DOG bitches get into each others face is over food, space or possessions of the toy type.  Once we're bred, we don't even care about the last boyfriend we jumped the fence over. 

No matter how well you think you know someone, just throw out your ideas on the government and/or religion and see who's fur stands up on their neck.  As the Human Grandogma says, "If you can't say something nice, keep your trap shut."  Something to think about in the coming days of political ugliness and party posturing ya'll.  I'm a Leashatarian Shiloh (free to do whatever I can get by with) and I say--be nice or you might step in somethin'.