PARIS, HEATWAVE AND THERE'S A HAIR IN MY MOUTH

Bonjour!  That's French for good day.  However, do ya'll see me in this picture?  Me neither.  That would be Tres Bad!  I sat around listening to 'conversational' French for weeks and was prepared to be the Madame Pompidou of Paris when I was shocked to find that not only was I stuck with Bob Barker and Ms. Agnies BUT that little wienie dog, Beanie and his yappy, jumpy, more irritating than you can imagine terrier, Blue, appeared and the humans were gone--for two weeks, no less.  I had to set some things straight right away and almost lost my mind (and a few pounds) until My Humans returned.  I did not eat the cats although it did pass my mind several times.

When My Humans returned, the nice cool weather I so love turned rapidly into a heatwave.  I swear ya'll, you could cook eggs on the back of a cat layin' in the sun.  I determined that the only necessity to exit the cool air conditioning would be first thing in the morning and last thing at night.  When you have a gorgeous fur coat as I do, there is no amount of panting or water drinking that cools this big girl down to tolerable.  I hate the swimming pool, water hoses and misters.  They simply muss me up and I refuse to be a dolt lying in the sun like I don't know better--note to Bob and Agnies--it's hotter than blazes out there and if you don't lie in the sun, you won't get so hot!  Anyways, this record-setting heat has lasted for nearly two months now.  Someone has made amends with the rain gods and sent it our way these past few days and we are basking in low 90's instead of cooking at 115 degrees and that ain't the heat index.

Speaking of hot--what's a girl to do when she does get wet or messy and I must admit, I do make such a fuss with My Humans that they thus far have 'almost' given up on baths.  I have dumped at least 100 lbs of hair on every available nook and cranny in the house, on the chairs and I can't help it--I eat it.  Now that might seem a bit odd to anyone else but it IS my hair and if I like to chew on it, so be it.  Mrs. Human has been hacking with her tiny scissors at these awful mats on my butt and I look rather shaggy at the moment but I can assure you, I will just grow more hair to replace the missing ones and maybe twice as much hair.  That way, I can spread the love as far and high as possible.  It's the least I can do so she has something to do besides sit in that pool if I can't be in there!


Mr Human gave the deck a mini facelift and we simply adore what he's done!  He's so thoughtful...

WHO ATE THE CHEESE?

 So, we're all laying around chewing on some antlers with nothing to do but we knew some good smells were coming from the kitchen cause Mom had started her Italian sauce and meatballs.  It's always a good time to think of ways to sneak a taste of anything coming from that kitchen.

Well, Mom found out just how big I'm getting when she put her plate-size-imported-from-Italy Pecorino-Romano cheese slab on the back of the counter and headed upstairs.   Only took me a few minutes to pull it down and share some with the  short dogs.  I could smell it from the backyard so I just opened the door and let all of us back in the house.  I was kind enough to leave just enough for the humans to use--well, because I got caught red-pawed.  Kind of hard to hide a pound of cheese in your mouth.

Works for me.  My real name is Liliana Santucci!  Ciao, baby.

WELL HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY, Y'ALL!  Yes, I had to dress up a bit for that green beer and corned beef (just kidding about the beer).  Being I'm from an Irish family, this is a big day around the house.  Shamrocks, leprechaun hats, lights and green stuff are all over the place.  They keep calling me O'Callahan and 'be sure you chase off the snakes'--Whatever.  I'm way too busy chasing CC Cat and Karma Kitty to worry about some nasty, slimy snake. 

May the road always rise to meet ye and a pot o'gold be waitin' for ye when ye get theres.
(I really said that.  Ask the short dogs).

Too busy to blog

Well, there's been a lot of frog killin' going on down here since we last spoke (that's southern talk for 'busy as a beaver building a dam').  The humans took off during the holidays for New York City.  Yes, I and the short dogs were left behind.  My sister from Colorado that was supposed to stay with me (and I do love her more than she probably cares for me to show her) went to the Big Apple so I was left to my own devices.  There seemed to be an abundance of short dogs, Beenie Weenie and Blue were visiting so there were five of us here.  Why I wasn't put on that plane I can't figure out.  I mean really, how often am I going to get the chance to see and meet my founding Mother at New Zion or shop in Manhattan? 







Well, loves, what goes around comes around.  It seems the great blizzard of the century caught the humans by surprise.  They finally got back and we had our own blizzard.  Serves everyone right.  I do love the snow.  Maybe it's in my Shiloh-genes. 
 

 

Of course, some of us are just a whole lot smarter about these weather changes than others.  It would appear short dogs are short on brain cells as well.  Good grief.

And let's just say the other short dog, Master Bob Barker, was unable to withstand the freezing of his oh-so-low-to-the-ground private parts.  He mostly sat on the porch and peed.  My Mom was very, very unhappy for this behavior. 

Well, Merry Christmas darlings!  As you can see, I've been terribly busy putting out the velvet bedspreads, decorating the trees, hanging the lights and doing my best to live up to my queenly lifestyle.  I took the humans by such surprise when I posed ON THE BED that the camera was immediately retrieved and photos taken before being ordered OFF THE BED never to be ON THE BED again...blah blah blah.  I do look beautiful, don't I?


Well, some great news--I officially weigh 89.2 lbs having gained 11 lbs in the past several months.  My hair is gorgeous, shiny and no longer leaving mountains of weave-able hair in every corner.  My Mom has turned mealtime into a connoisseur's dream with sardines, freshly ground turkey, bison bits and a dollop of yogurt.  She does, however, burn a lot of holiday candles when I'm eating but it only adds to my festive atmosphere during this lovely season.  I just seem to have an enormous amount of energy which leads me to chasing cats and dragging the short dogs around by collars, necks or other body parts for entertainment.


Well, that's all for today--I heard I might be getting a sister when the weather warms up.  I hope she doesn't have long ears and short legs--one can only tolerate so many basset-type canines in one family.  Hmmm...sleigh bells, elves, squirrels and slow cats...

TEXAS TWO-STEP

Saturday, my humans got us up real early and put me back in the 'touring' car and headed for someplace called Texas.  Mom suggested we go the way she had gone before (even though she still got lost) but Dad said, 'No, we're going the fast way, through Oklahoma City.'  Well, 5 1/2 hours later we finally got there and I don't think that was one of those 'as the crow flies' shortcuts.  Anyhow, we pulled into the Plano Centre, found my cousins, BJ, Leo and Kyrie, and all heck broke loose.  Not only were there dogs barking everywhere, there were donkeys, bunnies, cats, squirrels and people everywhere. 

Now, knowing me as ya'll do, being a pup and all, even though I do weigh 80+ lbs and appear quite queen-like, I was a bit shaken by all these sights and smells--especially these short humans that kept coming right up and poking around on my face!  At first, I let some little yellow-headed human know I didn't want any part of it and I kind of grumbled under my breath.  Mom told me to BEHAVE GIRL so I put on my best act and let the next short, old, tall, fat, skinny and did I mention strange humans pet me and tell me how beautiful I was.

After about two hours of this constant doting, however, I truly had had enough.  You sit in a vehicle for 5.5 hours, get poked and stroked on for another two hours and see how you feel!  I'm a bit sorry to say, I just got downright cranky.  I just turned my back and my head away from everyone and refused to accept anymore attention.  Could we please just go home now before I really act like a bad puppy?  Dad said he thought it would be a good idea to head back to T-town and that's just what we did. 

Maybe someday, I will be a gentle lady like BJ and Kyrie or a lovey giant like Leo.  Their humans said I did fine and just need some more experience.  All I know is I was sure glad to get home and even this time, take a nap with Bob Barker.

Dr Phil, Can You Help Us?

As you may recall, The Basset and The Bagle (Beagle/Basset) were joined in matrimony last summer.  Agnies of Pississi was the blushing bride, radiant in her Italian lace veil, adorned with freshwater, dollar-store pearls and eau d'bone Parfum.  Bob Barker, the studly groom (although he is a full 2" shorter and wider than the bride) showed his eagerness to 'tie the knot' so to speak with an enthusiastic howl and waddle wearing the latest Barka Bow Tie to  match the formality of the affair.










Although the honeymoon was short-lived, the couple did seem to be headed for the usual and customary tolerance of married life in the Midwest.  In recent days, however, Mrs. Barker has become increasingly intolerant of her husband's constant growling at Queen Lily, referring to him as 'a Walrus Beast!'  As is usually the case, Bob is oblivious to his wife's mounting annoyances.  "He never listens," she said.  "He just barks that irritating Basset bark when I try to talk and he never shares his toys or food anymore!"



Alas, things seem headed for Doggy Divorce...butt-to-butt...as it were...

Dr. Phil, can this marriage be saved?